Presence is the most important gift we can give to one another. It is the gift to witness each others lives, to see others in all of their glory. It creates the glue that binds us together. I think of it as social glue, which can foster a sense of deep belonging. Whatever our relationship with another is, presence holds the key to connection; presence gives the other person the experience of our essence. In it we can hear and validate another's existence, feelings, notions, and their worth. We don't have to agree or disagree, we can just listen and very importantly - suspend judgment. We don't even have to respond when they pause, instead we can calmly wait for them to begin speaking again, and breathe.
True presence looks like a mindfulness meditation, where the other person becomes the precious object of that meditation. We can begin by setting an intention, asking ourselves the question, "who will listen to this person?" and then answer with a resounding, "I will!"
When we listen to another mindfully, we can set aside and turn-off the electronics. We can calm our breath making it slow and steady. We can free our mind from distractions, setting aside our own scattered thoughts. We can listen to the words and what is beyond the words. What is beyond the words includes the music of their voice as well as the enchanting dance of their facial and body expressions. We can acknowledge them with our own non-verbal expressions and short encouraging phrases like: I understand, go on, mmm etc. being especially careful not to interrupt their flow.
When we can bring ourselves completely into that moment with another, we give others what we all want most: a deep, undeniable connection with another person.
The greatest disease in the West today is not TB or leprosy; it is being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for - Mother Teresa
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