Clarity and Focus through Three Questions

As a business leader, there is a strong temptation to try to be all things to all people. In my first
business as the performing musician, Sweet Baby James, I succumbed to that temptation. By learning as many songs from as many genres as possible, (from Pete Seeger to John Mayer) I attempted to be known as a musician that could play a request for anyone of any age or background. You should know that this is a daunting task as new songs are born at a ferocious rate due to the amazing productivity and massive creativity of original songwriters. As much as I have enjoyed learning hundreds of songs, this strategy, trying to please everyone, did not produce the results that I had hoped for. The more songs I learned the more like plain vanilla I sounded and the less unique I became.

Today I use a much different approach. Instead of trying to be everything to everybody, I provide clarity and focus to my business and life by asking three questions: WHO do I serve, HOW do I serve them, and WHY do I serve them.

WHO are the people in this big, beautiful world that YOU would love to work with, that you admire. Who are the ones for whom you wish to make a difference?  What do these people's faces look like? What captures their imagination and what are the objects of their heart's desire?

HOW does someone serve them? How does one feed, facilitate, transport, empower, and help them to be more happy and satisfied. How can you make another’s life and their life experience better? What is YOUR unique ability (yes you!) that allows you to be the missing ingredient for the perfect recipe of a good life for them, the catalyst for a needed change in them, the medicine for a lack of ease in them?

But most importantly, ask yourself, "WHY do you serve them?" This is about YOUR life purpose, what you are here for, and why you were born and ideally it is considered first before the other questions. Whether or not they realize it, everyone (yes everyone) has a life purpose. And, a few even have a mission (a life purpose on fire!) A life purpose does not have to be grand, it could be something very simple for a humble profession such as: I build furniture so that people can share meals with their loved ones throughout the seasons of their lives, or I lend my presence to people who are alone in their final days to provide a witness to the fullness of their lives, or I walk dogs so that others may experience their own live's significance and have an impact on our world, or I dispose of the garbage and junk from people's lives so that they can fill the void left behind with simplicity, beauty, and delightful wide-open spaces.


Many people have an external purpose, a business or organizational purpose, and an internal purpose, a personal reason for existence. An external purpose drives business or organizational results and success. An internal purpose is something that gets us out of bed each morning and sustains us through the challenges that inevitably come both in life and in business. As people evolve and grow, their life and business purpose is likely to change over time. As the layers of their identity peal away to reveal the authentic self, they find themselves growing into their core purpose.


The following list represents my answers for the three questions:

WHO do you serve? I serve LEADERS of organizations and businesses.
HOW do you serve them? I ask them two questions: (1.) "Who are you?" and (2.) "Why are you here?" Then, I help them to answer these two.
WHY do you serve them? (external) I am here to SERVE the SPIRIT of LEADERSHIP arising in all of us.
WHY do you serve them? (internal) I am here to MAKE a BETTER WORLD for my great grandchildren, your great grandchildren, and future generations.

Although these provide focus and clarity for me (as well as getting me out of bed in the morning), I consider them to be a work in progress and I choose to remain open to further clarification.

If I listen carefully in the deep quiet everyday, life may yet reveal to me with even more clarity and focus who I serve, how to serve them, and why I serve them.

Rain is good for me. I feel like I achieve clarity actually when it rains. The longer I have to sit and wait, the clearer my game becomes to me - Venus Williams

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Dear Beloved Great Grandchildren

It is Father's Day in 2015 and I am just 62 years old.  I want to share a couple of things that I have been thinking about   First, I have loved being a father. However, being a grandfather expands that love in ways that may be difficult to imagine. In fact, with each successive generation (as if by some miracle) my love for you grows exponentially. Perhaps, that's because you carry our (mine, my parent's, my grandparent's and my great grandparent's) collective hopes and dreams with you forward into eternity.  Or perhaps, this is because each generation is a cumulative of each prior generation, making love all inclusive.

Recently, I have let go of some of my long held beliefs about what is important. There was a time when I believed that having a brand new car, a new house, a new vacation or another guitar were the most important things. Now, I realize it is you, my dears, who are the most important.

Crawler Wallpapers

Many years ago as a boy scout, I learned a wilderness camping principle, the idea of leaving things in better shape than how we have found them. This principle is called “Leave No Trace”.  For me, "Leave No Trace" must be applied to our little, blue planet. We can return the world to a condition that is better from any point of view, than how we had found it. We must do this because it is my generation's legacy to your grandparents, your parents, and to you. As you may know, the world as it is in 2015 is not a suitable gift for anyone’s great grandchildren. However, I am beginning to find people who are committed to working together to answer the hard questions and to find ways to return this planet into a suitable condition for you and your loved-one's lives.  I believe these conditions will evolve along with a number of important actions.


These ways are reflected by some recent ideas including: micro-finance, conscious capitalism, sharing economy, re-wilding and many more. I am committed to working towards the conditions needed to prepare a better world for you and everyone’s great grandchildren.

No one can do this alone, only all of us can.

Please, know that I Love you more than you can ever fully realize.
great granddad Bruce Wayne McLellan


We don't inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children - David Brower 

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What do leaders and Fred Flintstone share in common?

Have you ever wondered if working 70-90 hours (or more) per week, week-after-week, really helps

us to get ahead? Put another way: is it possible that I could deliver my best effort, bring my best self to bear, when I am physically exhausted, mentally distracted, and emotionally, perhaps, a little grumpy? Is it really about the QUANTITY of work I do or the QUALITY?  Many of us have experienced the burden of responsibility that a life of leadership entails. Many of us suffer from: long hours at the office, too much stress, too many problems that no-one else could solve, as well as no end and no solution in sight. These are common realities for those who aspire to be leaders. From a certain point of view, it appears that super-human traits and behaviors are a prerequisite to making all the moving parts mesh and continuing to evolve into a truly inspiring, competent leader. Yet, we all need rest, good food, and time with our loved ones.  Being at our best is important, especially, when it comes to interacting with a difficult client, a stressed employee, not to mention an ignored family member. If we are consistently sleep deprived, hungry, thirsty, stressed, distracted and/or caffeine buzzed; we may be setting up the conditions that could cause us to react and behave unfavorably within the key relationships of our lives. This reaction can look at best like - a lack of focus and disinterest and at worst it can be characterized by - the dreaded amygdala hijacking.

“The amygdala is an almond-shaped section of nervous tissue located in the temporal (side) lobe of the brain. There are two amygdalae per person normally, with one amygdala on each side of the brain. They are thought to be a part of the limbic system within the brain, which is responsible for emotions, survival instincts, and memory.” (reference study.com)

When we push ourselves to the limits physically, mentally, and emotionally; something under-the-hood reacts with something like an overload, a blown gasket or ”I’m giving yah all we’ve got captain!” at which point the inner-Scottie goes rogue and out-of-control. At that moment, we have probably hijacked the amygdala - which means we have flipped a switch initiating the fight, flight, or freeze response. It’s important to note that when it comes to rational behavior, this reaction becomes a point-of-no-return. Once triggered, this response is powerful, and the behavior associated with it is reflected in Marvell’s fictional character, the Hulk, for whom stress provokes an exaggerated physical and emotional transformation. Once triggered (like the Hulk), we really don't have much control over our emotions and/or behavior. Thousands of years ago, this part of the brain was designed to help us survive as naked and vulnerable apes when under attack by Saber-toothed cats, Grizzly bears, or other hijacked humanoids. It may be no surprise that the amygdala has been found to be linked to PSTD behavior.

“When the amygdala perceives a threat, it can lead that person to react irrationally and destructively” “An amygdala hijack exhibits three signs: strong emotional reaction, sudden onset, and post-episode realization if the reaction was inappropriate” (reference Wikipedia)

Most of us have had direct experience of being on the transmitting as well as on the receiving end of this kind of hijack. Although, regret and embarrassment may arise after the event passes, apologies may not be sufficient. Even a minor episode of this type can do lasting damage for the most solid relationships. Leading me to ask the question - Is this reaction an unavoidable consequence of being a human who is wired like a caveman yet living in today’s unpredictable and complex global marketplace? Not necessarily…

One obvious choice is to slow-down the pace of life, work less hours, and lead a more balanced home and work life. That would take a serious shift in priorities and a commitment to self-care as a means to success.  However impractical and unimaginable that may sound, this balance can lead to greater creativity and productivity as well as improved receptivity and relationships, all fundamental to success. Additionally (and perhaps alternatively), two simple and easy to implement tools for helping avoid a regrettable hijacking meltdown include: meditation and HALT. Consistent, daily meditation improves our self-awareness and our ability to reduce emotional reactivity. Self-awareness helps us to observe this phenomenon BEFORE the point-of-no-return and allows us to take corrective action to “cool our jets.” This state of self-awareness also aids in recalling and engaging another helpful tool - H.A.L.T which is an acronym for a regular “checking-in” on our basic state of wellbeing. 

HALT represents the phrase - Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? (For some it would not be too extreme to have the individual letters of HALT tattooed to the finger tips of their dominant hand). Like learning to master a musical instrument or improving your golf game, daily commitment and practice is key. Perhaps, the highest priority of a leader is self awareness and self-care. Similar to the recommendation of a stewardess to: in case of emergency, place an oxygen mask on yourself FIRST before assisting others,we can be aware of and then tend to ourselves before tending to others. That is, before we can lead others we must learn to lead ourselves.

You who are journalists, writers, citizens, you have the right and duty to say to those you have elected that they must practice mindfulness, calm and deep listening, and loving speech. This is universal thing, taught by all religions.
- Thich Nhat Hanh

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When is the optimal time for change?

Change is not always the best solution. Lao Tzu, the Taoist author of the Tao Te Ching was an advocate of non-action. However, he also encourages careful and intentional action with the phrase “Cautious, like crossing a river in the winter.” - Lao Tzu, the Tao Te Ching. Stability is good up to a point. It’s a great thing to enjoy the sense of familiarity, continuity and simplicity that stability can provide. And, change can be hard for anyone. So much could potentially happen that you weren't counting on. Yet, there is a time when change is a critical component to moving forward, getting to the next stage, or simply accepting life on life’s terms. But, how can we tell that change is the missing catalyst to our own evolution, the all important next step for us to take in our lives?

What signals change?
There are several common signals for the need to change including restlessness, angst, and cognitive dissonance, the experience of feeling like you are trying to put a square peg in a round hole. Cognitive dissonance is at play when our behavior does not match our beliefs, principles or values.

Despite our state of readiness, change is inevitable. This happens both in our world and inside of ourselves. Unlike machines, we are constantly changing as we replace our entire body's cells. We are also gradually maturing physically and emotionally and as we grow our values, beliefs and principles move with us. Usually the last part to move is our behavior. For many people the signal for change is a sense that old ways or conditions do not seem to fit anymore. For others, it is simply that they are growing weary of the routine that produces predictably insufficient results in their lives and businesses.

Who am I when it comes to change?
Another factor to consider is that we don’t all respond to change in the same way. Some people readily embrace and instigate change. They are change agents, whose life may be characterized on one hand as dynamic, immediate, as well as unstoppable and on the other as unfocused, chaotic, and unpredictable. This behavior is reflected by the phrase “Ready, GO!”

Others have a tendency to be adverse to change and avoid it all together. Their favorite phrase might be, “Ready, set, set, set, set…(and so on.) ” This behavior reflects a possible state of “analysis paralysis.” It may look like procrastination, but it is probably fear, fear of change. This often ends with a hopeful claim that sounds a little like, "someday change will come, someday"... But, the word "someday" can really be just a euphemism for - "It will never, ever happen!" Knowing who we are when it comes to change is a important key. In attempting to understanding who we are when it comes to change, some find it helpful to reflect on the following questions:

• Do I naturally resist change?
• Do I just go with the flow?
• Do I frequently create change for the sake of change?

Many people find it useful to reflect on change as it has happened in their past. Sitting with questions like: "What was the biggest change when I was a child?" and "How did I deal with it?" as well as "What other major changes have occurred throughout my life?" and "What was my behavior, my natural tendency in those cases?"

Meditation can be a useful tool for reflecting on these questions and thereby increasing self-awareness. We become more self-aware when we can sit in the quiet to consider what is happening internally. We can authentically ask ourselves: “Am I avoiding change because that’s what I always do?” Or, “Am I jumping headlong into change because I am bored or I want to distract myself from higher priority activities, activities that could make me feel uncomfortable.” This process is a very personal journey and reinforces the importance of self-awareness through deep reflection. Trusting that answers will arise from your authentic self in quiet, meditative mindfulness can be both powerful and fruitful.

Discipline and Courage
Once we are clear on our path of action or non-action, then discipline and courage can be instrumental in taking that course. Especially if the action is counter to our nature and involves activities that are outside of our comfort zone.

Personal Power
As individuals, we have the power to create positive change or maintain much needed stability. The choice for possible, internal change is always our own. When we welcome and heed the intuitive voice of our authentic self as our guide, change becomes not only manageable, but also powerfully transformational.

Perhaps the biggest tragedy of our lives is that freedom is possible, yet we can pass our years trapped in the same old patterns.
- Tara Brach

What is the quality of my thoughts today?

One of the many benefits of meditation and mindfulness is the discovery of recurring thoughts that
are no longer useful, relevant, or productive. And, many of these thoughts may be the underlying cause of emotional pain such as: fear, anger, depression, and anxiety. The originator of these thought seeds may have been another person such as a relative or acquaintance, it may have come from a place of self-doubt, circumstances in the past or from parts-unknown. Regardless of the original source of these mental weeds, they have now become a part of us and are doing damage to the quality of our lives. Negative thinking patterns such as “My work is never good enough” or “I am not capable of making decisions” or “I can never earn more than minimum wage” and many more are common examples and may show up even though we no longer subscribe to the originator’s notions. The first step in tending the garden of our mind, is to sort out the weeds from the blossoms, identifying the negative thought patterns from the healthy ones. However, in the hubbub of our busy lives these subtle thoughts may not be readily obvious.

Try this: 

At the end of a regular meditation, take a few moments to reflect on the last 24 hours. And, ask yourself, "Have I experienced emotional pain such as fear, anger, anxiety, etc in the last 24 hours? and If so, "Are there any thoughts associated with these negative emotions?" Try your best to let these thoughts bubble up and become clear phrases or sentences. If you are unable to form sentences or phrases, try to capture single words that are feeding that harsh emotion. Be sure to record these in a journal with the entry date, so that you can further refine the idea and make note as to how often these thoughts arise. This first step places you in an optimal position to work towards reducing and replacing the outdated thinking patterns with your trusted adviser, coach, or mentor.

As a single footstep will not make a path on the Earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives. - Henry David Thoreau

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How important is my sense of wonder?

The author at one year old

I think that one fully realizes just how important a sense of wonder is once it has been lost. It is most noticeable when it has become completely lost. And having become lost, life becomes predictable, drab and colorless. For me, this is not a desirable, comfortable, nor an acceptable state of being. If it is lost, why did it go? Is it lost forever? Or, can it return when it is missed, desired, and sought after? Let's start at the beginning, when we were children.

Like any child, my ability to tap into the great mystery of life was akin to breathing, a natural and nearly unconscious act. I did not know much about our world, our universe, it was mostly an enigma to me. In that frame of mind the universe was extraordinarily fathomless and my overriding experience of it was contained within a deep sense of awe. For example, I could not comprehend or explain why there were some many stars in the sky, I could just observe these billions and billions of distant suns as tiny, brilliant points of light (as Carl Sagan might have describe them) in sheer wonderment. And, my heart would rise and sing as I took in their limitless beauty. I experienced my world from within a pervasive sense of wonder, a kind of "I don't know" state of grace. I felt tiny and insignificant because of the sheer magnitude of how much of my world was incomprehensible to me. This precious state of  "I don't know" mind is known by the Zen Buddhists as  “Beginner’s mind”  and is also used in the title of the book Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by the Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki. This idea is better known in the global culture and society of today as mindfulness, a state of non-judgmental awareness. And, is a state of being that may become accessible to anyone with good instruction and practice in the numerous techniques of meditation.

In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, in the expert's mind there are few - Shunryu Suzuki

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What is the most important question for me to answer at this time?

Many of the questions in our lives are the "low-hanging-fruit" of the question-and-answer space, for example:  “what’s for breakfast?” “Is The coffee ready?” "Are there any dry towels?"and “Should I stop for gas on the way into the office?” We answer them seemingly without effort. Yet, there remains for each of us another, different list of not-so-easy questions relegated to the fringes of our consciousness, “benched” and in “time-out” waiting for the right moment to be addressed. For many people, these important questions remain on the “back-burner” cold and unanswered until the end of time. These are the difficult-to-answer questions, the ones that make us uncomfortable and perhaps we are left feeling unqualified to answer. Yet, we are uniquely qualified to answer them - as they belong to us and we belong to them. And, answering these powerful questions can have a significant impact on the quality of our lives.

Here are a few questions that may belong on the list:

1. Who am I?
2. What is my purpose?
3. Is worrying giving me traction?
4. What is the one thing I can do today that will significantly move my life forward?
5. What course of action will lead to a lasting feeling of happiness and contentment in my life?

Perhaps, you can come up with a few more that are more relevant and unique to your journey.


True wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves, and the world around us.- Socrates

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